Well, it's officially a new year this morning as I sit in bed, second cup of coffee in hand, feeling grateful that I ignored the urge to stay up late to ring in the new year and opted instead for a little extra sleep. I am alert and ready for a day of co-leading a sweet little Reiki & Restorative yoga gathering with a good friend.
Over this past year, I have allowed myself to cultivate a luxurious habit of drinking a very strong cup of coffee in bed while I do nothing but daydream. My mind wanders this way and that, dreaming about whatever it chooses. I get up extra early to accommodate this little habit, and it is 100% worth it.
This morning, I daydreamed until there were no more sips left in this first, best cup and then poured another. The second cup always includes my morning writing routine. This time, I grabbed my computer and began reflecting on this unfamiliar feeling that I can't help explore. So here goes.
This unfamiliar feeling is an awful lot like hope - but I have felt hope plenty in the past. I love hope, let's be clear, but this feeling is different. This feeling is deeper in my body and occupies a few spaces like my belly. The first two words that popped into my head were tenacity and audacity. What's the difference?
Google tells me this:
Tenacity means the determination to continue what you are doing. Audacity means courage or confidence of a kind that other people find shocking or rude. (source: Quora).
Ahhhh, yes. That's it! I definitely feel tenacity to continue the path that I have forged in 2020. It has been way too much fun to stop. But audacity .. ooooooh .. now that feels more like it. It feels like a fire in my belly and an unexplainable urge to be bold and courageous.
Not resonating with the part about finding courage to that other people would consider rude (I doubt that I have it in me to be actively rude), but I do feel some sort of courage brewing of a sort that requires me to simply not care what others think of me. It sounds harsh even typing those words because of course I care. We all do. It's just our nature as social beings to want to belong. But to stand out, to receive attention, to be seen and heard - to be who we truly are - requires vulnerability of a different kind. And hot damn, I'm ready.
For a long darn time, I have been bringing in a lot of healing into my life that required softness, ease, comfort, peace - all kinds of love. My focus has been inward, gathering up pieces of myself that have been lost and broken, dusting and mending them, and putting them back into place. This soft, almost passive, way of being has served me well. My body, mind, and spirit are all very happy that I have taken so much time to dig deep and learn about all of the ways that I can heal myself from past illness and trauma.
It's now time to have the audacity to tend to this fire in my belly and to shift my focus beyond myself and my own inner world. I am not exactly sure what this next phase will entail, and I do not need to know right now. What I do know is that I will be using my voice, my knowledge, and my experiences. It's about damn time.
May we all have the tenacity to continue what we have started AND the audacity to shake things UP.
Be Who You ARE.
PS: I am not going to even read this post or edit it in any way before posting. Oh .. the audacity!!!